


i turn memory to fantasy, for that better pleasure

by flow3rs



Series: intentions [6]
Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Love Confessions, M/M, Unresolved Romantic Tension, ricky bowen is a slut for doja cat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-02-23 11:29:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23810857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flow3rs/pseuds/flow3rs
Summary: ricky was getting a little tired of it.he was tired of waking up with the sun in his eyes and ej’s arms wrapped around him, keeping him safe, but never hearing him say that he was. he was tired of the eyes lingering on him for just a little too long, like he was beautiful or something, but then never being told that he is. he was tired of feeling a hand holding the back of his neck, or the small of his back, showing him that he cared.but he didn’t.ej never said it. he never said anything. he just looked at ricky with this look like he wanted to say something. but he never did.and ricky was getting a little tired of it.
Relationships: Ricky Bowen/E.J. Caswell
Series: intentions [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1685080
Comments: 11
Kudos: 123





	i turn memory to fantasy, for that better pleasure

**Author's Note:**

> wow. thank you all for sticking with me through this series. it's been a pleasure going on this ride with these boys and i can't believe we're finally here :') sorry this one took a little longer than usual, i wanted to make sure i did everything exactly how i planned!
> 
> title from "bleach" by brockhampton

ricky was getting a little tired of it.

it was fun, of course.

and it was easy.

everything with ej was easy.

it was easy to fall into bed with ej. it was easy to look at him one moment and then be laid out underneath him the next. it was easy running his hands through ej’s hair and pushing it out of his face, so he could look at him. it was easy pulling his face closer and kissing him desperately, like it meant something.

but it didn’t.

ricky was getting a little tired of it.

he was tired of waking up with the sun in his eyes and ej’s arms wrapped around him, keeping him safe, but never hearing him say that he was. he was tired of the eyes lingering on him for just a little too long, like he was beautiful or something, but then never being told that he is. he was tired of feeling a hand holding the back of his neck, or the small of his back, showing him that he cared.

but he didn’t.

ej never said it. he never said anything. he just looked at ricky with this look like he _wanted_ to say something. but he never did.

and ricky was getting a little tired of it.

it took ricky a long time to stop lying to himself and realize that he felt more for ej than he cared to admit. it took him awhile to figure out that the butterflies in his stomach that appeared every time ej smiled at him was because he loved that smile. it took a while to realize that he felt so happy lately because ej made him happy.

he liked ej. there, he said it. he didn’t really feel like it was a secret anymore. but, he was certain ej liked him, too.

ej always ordered ricky’s favorite food. he always put on the movie ricky wanted to watch. he even bought ricky his own bottle of mouthwash and let him keep a toothbrush in his bathroom.

and he always asked ricky if what he was doing was okay when they were in bed, no matter how many times they had done it.

so, ej cared about him.

but there were some times when ej’s water polo teammates would come up to them at lunch to say hi and ej would snatch his hand off of where it was resting on ricky’s knee like he had been burnt. times when ricky would be waiting the whole day to see him and then ej would tell him he forgot and went to hang out with his senior friends instead. times when they would be sitting in the hallway after school and when the senior’s friend would come to them, ej would call him his “little buddy.”

if he was just going to be ej’s “little buddy”, then he didn’t need to be with ej anyway.

he was tired of it.

tired of constantly showing ej how much he wanted him, and _only him_ , and then getting nothing in return. tired of wasting time fantasizing about brown hair, turquoise eyes, and a beautiful boy when that boy probably didn’t think about him at all. tired of waiting around, longing for something more with ej, knowing that it would never come.

he was just so tired.

*****

it was the same old meaningless shit. same old video games, same old take out food, same old routine. same old meaningless sex.

ricky really believed for his whole life that sex was special; that it meant somethng. ej proved him wrong.

ej grunted as he came inside of ricky, his breathing erratic as he nuzzled his face into the younger boy’s neck. ricky came earlier, jerking himself off to get it over with quicker, as ej pumped in and out of him.

the other boy pulled out slowly, not saying anything. the energy between them was off today and he didn’t know why, but something just didn’t feel right. ricky climbed out of the bed almost immediately, heading to the bathroom to clean himself up.

closing the door, he looked at himself in the mirror above the sink. his hair was mussed up in all directions, there were dark hickies covering his collarbones, and as he turned around he saw all the red marks ej left on his back. it pissed him off and he didn’t know why. he felt disgusting.

ricky quickly cleaned himself up, wiping his own cum and ej’s from his body. he grabbed his clothes and put them on before making his way back into the bedroom.

as he was walking towards his jean jacket that hung from the chair at ej’s desk, he tripped over ej’s clothes that were thrown haphazardly onto the floor when they were hooking up. he looked over at ej still in the bed in only his boxers, scrolling through his phone with no care in the world.

ricky huffed, annoyed. “hello! do you wanna maybe get your shit off the floor so i don’t fucking trip on it.”

“uh,” ej looked up from the screen, brows furrowed. “yeah, sorry.”

he got up from the bed and received the articles of clothing, putting on the shirt and sweatpants before laying back down on the bed and continuing his scrolling.

ricky didn’t know why that made his fist clench, but it did. he sat on the edge of the bed to look through his own phone; maybe he would see a cute puppy video on his feed and it would calm him down.

“dude, why is your back stick straight? you’re so tense!” ej commented, laughing at him.

ricky’s jaw clenched. “and what about it?”

“are you good, bro? you’re sitting like a fucking narc.”

“don’t call me ‘bro.’” ricky seethed as his anger rose.

ej sat up from where he was lying on the bed and looked at him, confused. “um, okay. sorry? ...are you okay?”

“why do you care so much?”

_uh oh_. ricky was notorious for word vomit when he was nervous. little did anyone know the word vomit came out when he was angry, too. he didn’t get angry often, but when he did it was even harder to control.

“what?” ej faltered.

“you don’t care about anything so why do you suddenly care now?”

“w-what are you talking about?”

“you are so fucking full of yourself. you don’t give a shit about anything that doesn’t have to do with you,” ricky scoffed, getting to his feet as his voice rose.

ej got up from where he was sitting on the bed as well, his temper rising. “why the fuck are you saying this? what did i do?”

“nothing!” ricky bellowed, sarcastically. “you never do anything! you just sit there and only think about yourself. you go around talking to every single person in the school who thinks you’re hot shit and that’s perfectly fine but then as soon one person talks to me and shows interest in me, you get pissed off!”

“is that what this is about? nathan? that was like two weeks ago and i’m over it!”

“it’s not even about nathan. it’s about how you put your hands all over me like you own me, and you--you get mad when other people like me, or you get possessive over me like you’re my boyfriend or something when you’re not!”

ej took a sharp intake of breath, his eyes showing hurt just for a second before his features steeled.

“well it’s not my fault you follow me around like a fucking lost puppy,” he retaliated.

ricky’s eyes widened, offended, “because you always pull me along like i’m your property!”

“well, you’re fucking desperate for attention! always so whiny. _‘ej, can we watch this movie today? ej, can you buy me food? ej, can we do what i wanna do even though we already do that everyday?_ ” the senior mocked.

“excuse me? i’m so sorry that not everything in this world revolves around you, you self centered asshole! shocking, i know!”

“well, if you hate me so much why don’t you just get the fuck out! yeah, surprise!” ej sneered, sarcastic. “this is my house. despite the fact the fact that you take up my whole bed when you sleep, you eat all my fucking food, and, oh yeah, _use all my goddamn mouthwash!_ just get out!”

ricky picked up his belongings aggressively as his heart beat out of his chest with anger. he slid his jean jacket on, stomping towards the exit of the room before taunting, his eyes shooting daggers into ej’s, “hope your dick enjoys your right hand for the rest of its life, fuckface, because i’m never doing anything with you again”

“fine. you were just a warm hole to put my dick in, anyway! not like it ever meant anything.”

ricky’s face fell, his breath catching in his throat. it took all of his willpower to keep the tears welling in his eyes from falling as he whispered, looking ej straight in the eye, “well, i’m glad we can both agree that we never felt anything for each other.”

he turned, quickly walking out of the room before he could see ej’s reaction. tears rolled down his face as he looked at the ground, wanting to get out of the house as fast as he could. reaching the front door, he threw it open and almost collided into ashlyn, who was just arriving home.

“ricky! hey-- oh my god, are you okay?,” she inquired, seeing the tears streaming from his eyes.

“i’m fine,” he ignored, pushing past her and wiping his face desperately. he mounted his skateboard roughly and set off towards his home as fast as he could before she could ask anymore questions.

back in ej’s room, the older boy cursed loudly out of frustration, angry at ricky for pushing his buttons and angry at himself for saying things he didn’t mean.

“fuck this!” he bellowed, throwing a punch towards his bedroom wall, not expecting anything to happen. when his fist hit the surface however, his anger was so strong that it broke through the drywall.

“fuck!” the senior seethed, holding his hand as the pain radiated throughout it, eyes wide at the damage he caused. he slammed his bedroom door violently before slumping on his bed and thinking about everything that just went down.

*****

the sight of his house could not come into ricky’s view soon enough. he dismounted his board, not bothering to bring it inside, throwing it haphazardly onto the front lawn as he ran inside his house. he shut the front door roughly, kicking off his shoes and running up the stairs to his room, ignoring his dad’s calls from the kitchen.

“ricky? what’s wrong?” the man yelled.

but the junior paid him no attention as he locked himself in his room, the tears now fully streaming down his face as he collapsed onto his bed, clutching his pillow and crying into it.

how could he have been so stupid? to think that ej actually cared about him. to think that he was anything more to the older boy than another bitch that got his dick wet. he was just another easy slut that thought they were special because they got attention from _the_ ej caswell.

he hiccuped, sobbing harder. he hadn’t cried this hard since he found out his parents were getting divorced. everything between him and ej had been fine. why’d he have to ruin it by catching feelings? why’d he always have to go and fuck up good things? he fucked up his relationship with nini. he fucked up his parent’s marriage. he even managed to fuck up with someone he was just friends-with-benefits with!

his body shook and his eyes became swollen with how many tears were falling from them. he was so deep in his self-deprecating thoughts that he didn’t hear his bedroom door opening.

he felt his bed dip and turned around to his dad, looking at him with concern in his eyes.

“i thought i-- ” he hiccupped softly, “locked the door.”

his father smiled gently, holding up a lanyard full of keys. “i have every key to every room in this house, buddy.”

“well…don’t you know what privacy is,” the boy replied weakly, small tears still rolling down his cheeks, hiding his face in the pillow.

“i usually do, but you also usually don’t come home crying unless something really terrible has happened...so privacy is being overruled by my concern for your well being.”

“can you be concerned for my well being from outside my room? maybe like, the kitchen or something?”

the man chuckled, scooting closer to his son and moving the pillow so that he could see his face.

“what’s wrong, bud? be honest.”

ricky sighed. he was a terrible liar already, but even worse when it came to his dad. he didn’t even bother to hide what happened when he would find out either way.

“i think me and ej, like...broke up,” he muttered, before scoffing and mumbling under his breath, “you can’t break up with someone you never dated.”

“what happened?” his dad asked, reaching towards him and motioning for him to come closer. he guided ricky so that he sat close next to him, putting an arm around the boy as ricky laid his head on his shoulder.

“it’s...complicated.”

“kid, i think i know a thing or two about complicated,” he laughed.

the junior sniffled, explaining what had happened. “i don’t know. i guess i was just kind of tired of us, like, _doing things_ ,” he cringed, but thankfully his dad didn’t comment, so he continued, “but avoiding our feelings for each other. or _my_ feelings, to be exact since it seems i was wrong in thinking that ej liked me back.”

“he said he didn’t like you?”

“he said that i didn’t mean anything to him.”

“well, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you!”

ricky scoffed. “dad, i think that statement made it pretty clear how he feels about me.”

“what made him say all that, then?” the father wondered, rubbing his son’s back, comforting.

the younger boy hesitated. “well...i kinda blew up on him.”

“please tell me that’s not some new teen sex slang i don’t know about.”

“dad!” he chuckled, playfully hitting him. “no, i just-- i was annoyed about how nothing we were doing seemed to mean anything and then he just kept saying things that annoyed me. so we got into this dumb fight that i--well, i guess i kind of started it-- but i didn’t think it would escalate that quickly and i said a bunch of mean shit. and then he said a bunch of mean shit. and at first i was pissed but then he said all that ‘you don’t mean anything to me’ crap and i got sad instead.”

“so, you both said a bunch of bad things in the heat of the moment, then?”

“yeah, i guess.”

“well then, first of all,” mr. bowen started, “if he ever says anything like that to you again, you can let him know that i’ll rip his balls out.”

“dad!”

“and second of all, i think you guys should talk this out. maybe not now or anytime soon, but it seems like you both may have said things you didn’t mean just because you were both angry. take some time to cool down and when you’re ready, reach out to him. i don’t want you to be left paranoid about what he said to you. i know it’s hard to confess your feelings to someone, especially with _your_ history, but if you don't want to hurt or be hurt, it’s better to be honest about how you feel.”

ricky groaned into his dad’s shoulder. “i hate when you’re right.”

“i’m always right, bud,” the man replied, patting the boy on the back.

ricky paused before saying quietly, “can i ask you something?”

“anything, rick.”

the boy looked up at his father with wide eyes, all the innocence of a teen in love staring up through dark, wet lashes. his voice cracked as he whispered, “why does my heart hurt so bad?”

the father’s resolve crumbled as he brought his son into his arms, letting the boy sob into his chest as he comforted him, rubbing his back gently.

“it’s okay to be sad, bud, let it out.”

ricky bawled, holding onto his father as he grieved, “i feel so stupid. i wasted so much time on him, so much energy and for what! he doesn’t even know how much he hurt me, dad!”

mr. bowen sighed, “i know it hurts right now. but don’t beat yourself up over it, okay? it’s not all your fault. it may hurt for a while but you’ll and grow from all this, it wasn’t all a waste.”

the man continued consoling his son, holding him close as ricky continued shedding tears and sniffling into his father’s shirt.

every time he closed his eyes he saw piercing turquoise eyes and a bright smile staring back at him.

ricky was getting a little tired of it.

*****

when ricky got back to school on monday, he was thankful he and ej didn’t actually share any classes. he didn’t think he could handle seeing the senior.

but apparently, the universe loved working against him.

as he closed his locker and turned to head to his first class of the day, he saw ej across the hall, laughing with the water polo team as they listened to him talk. his eyes landed on ricky’s just for a second, his face falling, before breaking the eye contact and plastering his signature smile back on to his face as his friends continued to talk to him.

ricky huffed, tightening his backpack and walking past the group without sparing them anymore glances.

it was going to be a long day.

ricky was beginning to think ej was following him; he saw him rounding the corner to go to the cafeteria, leaning against a locker as ricky walked past to go into his classroom, walking in the opposite direction as they both willed themselves to look straight ahead.

he really thought this school was too big to see one person this many times in one day but ricky guessed the world worked in wicked ways.

by the time the school day ended, ricky was mentally exhausted.

he stood at his locker, packing the books he needed into his backpack groggily. he didn’t even realize big red was standing right next to him until his friend spoke.

“you look like shit,” the ginger remarked, bluntly.

ricky exhaled slowly, “i feel like shit.”

“are you sick or something?”

“sick of people’s bullshit, yeah,” the brunette mumbled under his breath as the two boys walked to the drama practice room for rehearsal.

rehearsal where _ej_ would be. fuck his life.

big red stopped him before they walked into the room, looking at him seriously. 

“hey, i know we haven’t really been hanging out as much recently,” the boy gently began, “and you don’t have to explain why. but you know i’m still your best friend, right? and if you need anything or anyone to talk to i’m here for you. i don’t know what you’re going through right now but...i’m here.”

big red offered ricky a soft smile before walking inside of the room, leaving him there to think.

ricky hadn’t even realized how long it had been since he’d really hung out with his best friend. he was so focused on ej that he slowly forgot that big red was always there for him. he shook his head, walking into the classroom, feeling bad that he had been neglecting someone he cared about without even realizing it.

miss jenn walked into the room, clapping to get everyone’s attention as she announced, “we’re going over ‘blue’ today so everyone get into positions for that number! ej, ricky, take center!”

ricky held his face in his hands and silently screamed. of c _ourse_ they had to rehearse ej and ricky’s song today. he didn’t really know if there was a god, but if there was, he wasn’t doing ricky any favors today.

he forced himself to walk with his libretto, front and center next to ej. they stood six feet apart from each other as the music began, neither of the boys looking at each other as they started singing, the tension between them so thick that you could cut it with a knife.

“ _you make my balls so blue,”_ ej sang, looking at the ceiling awkwardly.

“ _you hurt them badly,_ ” ricky replied, his voice monotone.

“ _you make my balls so blue._ ”

ricky’s shoulders sagged as he sang the next line, “ _they’re hanging sadly._ ”

ej turned towards ricky then, his eyes full of regret and his signature smile gone from his face as he crooned the next line to the younger boy, “ _what did they do to you, that you hate them so?”_

“ _don’t run from me, they’re all beat up_ ,” ricky replied weakly, looking into the paralyzing teal eyes. his own brown eyes started to wet, as he looked at the face he spent so long memorizing; the face that told him just days ago that he meant nothing. the music continued to play as the two boys stared at each other sadly, not singing.

everyone around them felt the tension and sorrowful atmosphere, immediately sensing that something bad had happened between the boys. nini looked at kourtney who looked at gina who looked at ashlyn who looked at big red who looked at seb who looked at carlos who looked at miss jenn to see if they were all thinking the same thing. _we have to do something about this_.

“okay, let’s take a ten!” miss jenn yelled, clearing everyone out of the room except for ricky and nini. leaving them there while ashlyn guided ej by the arm to talk to him in the hallway.

ricky was so dejected, sitting in his chair and looking at the ground contemplating his life that he didn’t even notice that it was only him and nini left in the classroom. she slowly made her way to him, sitting in the chair next to him.

she reached out, placing a hand on his arm gently. he looked up at her surprised, not realizing that she was there.

nini smiled gently before asking timidly, “are you okay, ricky?”

he sighed. “is it really that obvious that i’m _not_?”

“yeah, it is,” she chuckled. “what’s going on? you can tell me anything.”

“it’s...really complicated, ninz. i don’t know if you really wanna hear it.”

“no offense ricky, but we haven’t really talked much the past few weeks. if there’s something going on in your life, i definitely want to hear about it.”

he looked at nini. had he really been abandoning his friendships this badly? and he didn’t even realize it? now he felt even more like shit.

“i’m sorry i haven’t really been that great of a friend, lately. to you and everyone else. i definitely owe big red an apology.”

nini rubbed his arm comfortingly, “it’s okay, rick. we can talk about that later. just please tell me what’s bothering you right now because it’s really messing with everyone’s vibes.”

they laughed, the tension in ricky’s shoulders finally releasing as he breathed out.

he took a deep breath before starting, “so...you probably figured it out by now, and i’m sorry for not telling you, but ej and were like…”

“a thing?” the two of them said in unison. ricky cringed as nini looked at him unimpressed.

nini rolled her eyes but she was smiling. “yeah i knew. you two were so obvious. but you should’ve told me!” she chastised, punching him in the arm.

he flinched, rubbing the spot she hit, “i know! i was just scared, okay?”

“yeah, yeah. it’s fine. but you said you and ej _were_ a thing? not _are_?”

ricky deflated, looking back at the ground, sadly. “yeah...i guess we kind of....broke up? even though we weren’t really, like, dating or anything.”

“what happened?”

“jesus christ i hate talking about my feelings,” he muttered, before steeling himself and admitting, “ok. basically i liked slash still like ej? and i thought he liked me too. but then we got into this fight--yeah, i kinda started it, before you ask, okay?--and we both said some mean shit but he said some meaner shit and basically he said like, ‘you were just a warm hole and you don’t mean anything to me blah blah.’ i’m pretty sure he stole that line from, like, _shameless_ , or something but whatever. and then i went home and cried in my dad’s arms for like, three hours? and then when i was finished my dad’s shirt had this giant stain from my tears and he said he loved me but then made me do his laundry.”

“ya gotta love mike bowen.”

“truly legendary behavior.”

the pair laughed, ricky feeling like a weight was lifted off of his shoulders, happy that he let everything out of his system.

“so,” nini started. “i’m guessing you both said a bunch of shit you didn’t mean.”

“basically.”

“which is no surprise since you two are the most horrible people at communication that i have ever met in my life.”

“hey!” the junior boy grumbled, sitting up.

“don’t act like i’m not right!”

ricky rolled his eyes but didn’t argue, knowing that she was even if he wouldn’t admit it.

she went on, putting a hand on ricky’s shoulder and looking at him genuinely. “i know it must feel like you wasted time on him, but from what i’ve seen, i have a strong sense that you _do_ mean something to ej. when i tell you that both of you are really bad at communication, i’m saying that because i’ve experienced it from _both of you_ first hand. don’t make the mistakes you made with me. tell him how you really feel. give him a second chance. ej is dumb but i don’t think he’s dumb enough to let someone as amazing as you go.”

ricky smiled at her, pulling her into a tight hug. he really missed her.

when they parted he joked, “i hate when you’re right. you sound like my dad.”

nini beamed with pride, “there’s no one else i’d rather be compared to. i’m a mike bowen stan, what can i say.”

they laughed as the cast reentered the room, the ten minute break coming to a close. ricky looked towards the door, seeing ashlyn and ej walk in last. he made brief eye contact with ricky, before both boys looked away.

miss jenn walked front and center, her heels clicking on the floor, getting everyone’s attention again as she declared, “alright! let’s get back to work. how ‘bout we skip to ‘our love is god’, yes? ashlyn and seb, you got this!”

nini motioned with her head for ricky to come with her, “c’mon, let’s kill the rest of this rehearsal.”

he smiled at her, getting out of his chair to follow her. ricky would never get tired of having someone like her in his life.

*****

ricky heard what everyone was telling him.

_talk to ej!_

_you need to get better at communication!_

_tell him how you feel!_

_give him another chance!_

and those were all wonderful suggestions. he would do all those things!

but probably in, like, a week or something. 

ricky needed time to focus on himself. to ‘marie kondo’ his life. he had been decluttering his room for most of the night, throwing away things that didn’t bring him joy and organizing his closet. he was putting the stray clothes thrown around his room in to his laundry basket when he realized that the past four things he had put away had been ej’s clothes that he stole.

he held the grey water polo sweatshirt in his hands as he sat down on the edge of his bed, bringing it to his face. it still smelled like ej’s fancy chanel cologne.

ricky sighed. if he really wanted to detoxify his life, he had to get rid of all the things he had stolen from the senior boy. he stood up from his bed determined, grabbing a box and stuffing everything that wasn’t his into it; the sweatshirt, three pairs of socks, five different t-shirts, a red hoodie, some basketballs shorts, two different grey sweatpants, and a pair of spiderman boxers. _damn,_ ricky thought to himself, _how does ej even have any clothes left?_

grabbing the box and heading downstairs, he plucked his skateboard from where it was leaning on the wall near the front door before yelling out to his dad, “i’m just going out for a late night ride, dad, i’ll be back soon!”

“okay! just don’t die and if you do, text me!” his father shouted out from his place on the couch watching _family feud_ , not looking back at him.

ricky made his way out of the house and mounted his skateboard as he rode to ej’s house as quickly as he could, holding the box of the senior’s stuff under his arm.

when he arrived, he saw that most of the lights in the house were turned off and no cars were in the driveway. hopefully that meant that no one was home. he kicked his skateboard up, catching it with the hand that wasn’t holding the box, and walked along the path that lead to the front door. he quickly stepped up the stairs, placing the box down gently on the welcome mat. he figured if he rang the doorbell, he would have enough time to dip if anyone was actually home. so he pressed the button, turning around and mounting his skateboard. he was halfway down the pathway when he heard someone calling out his name.

he stopped on his skateboard, turning around to see ej in the doorway wearing pajamas, his hair messy, looking at him confused.

“what is all this stuff?” the senior questioned tentatively, looking at the box that ricky had left on his doorstep.

ricky feigned being calm and collected, though his heart was beating a mile a minute. this was the first time they would be having a real conversation with each other in days.

“it’s all your clothes. that i took from you while we were...you know.”

“you’re giving them back to me?”

“well, yeah. we’re not really a thing anymore so…” ricky replied awkwardly, slowly getting back on his skateboard so he could be anywhere but here. 

he was about to finally head off when ej’s words stopped him again.

“what like we’re _broken up_ or something?” he yelled to ricky from his porch, looking at the younger boy, hurt.

ricky really didn’t want to go through this. “look...i really gotta get home, okay? my dad wants me back soon.”

“ricky, wait! let me just--”

the junior mounted his skateboard, getting a few more feet away before he was once again stopped in his tracks as ej called out to him.

“i like you! okay? i like you, ricky!”

he almost fell face first onto the pavement as he heard the words come out of ej’s mouth. he turned around slowly to look at the other boy, who had come down the steps of his house, desperately pleading at him.

he didn’t speak as ej continued pouring his heart out, taking small steps toward ricky with every word he said. “i like the way your hair gets messy when you wake up and your curls stick up in every direction. i like the way you always let me win when we play pokemon even though you’re ten times better than me. I like your lopsided smile and the way your eyes get so crinkled and small when you laugh. i like how you never let anything go without a fight. but i don’t want to fight with you anymore.”

he stopped in front of ricky on the pathway, inches apart. ricky was just slightly shorter than the older boy, looking up and searching ej’s face to see if he was genuine, trying to suppress a small smile.

“wow,” ricky breathed, a smirk growing on his face, as he crossed his arms over his chest and cocked his head to the side. “that almost topped my dramatic declaration of love for nini after opening night.”

ej rolled his eyes, scoffing. “please, you brought up the time you threw up all over her shoes. is that what you call romantic? _oh nini, remember that time i forced you to ride a rollercoaster and i repaid you by yakking all over you? oh i love you soooo much ohhhh, just kidding we’re gonna break up in two weeks ooohhhh.”_

ricky couldn’t help but snort, laughing hard even as ej mocked him. their giggling died down as the tension between them lifted. they looked at each other, both of them realizing how much they missed each other despite being right in front of each other.

“can we sit and talk this out, please? i would like to prove everyone wrong about how bad we are at communication,” ej pleaded quietly, timidly taking ricky’s hand in his.

ricky took a deep breath and nodded. he wasn’t expecting this conversation to happen so soon, he had to think about everything he wanted to say.

ej pulled on his hand, leading him to sit on the grass next to the walkway.

“we’re just gonna stay out here?” ricky asked, an eyebrow raised, hesitating as ej made himself comfortable on the lawn.

“yeah, it’s nice out. the stars are out tonight,” ej answered matter-of-factly, patting the spot next to him for ej to sit.

“but you’re wearing pajamas!” he argued, but he sat down next to the senior anyway.

“and you talk too much!”

“well, if you don’t want me to talk i can just sit here and not tell you how i feel about you as you continue to declare your unrequited love for me,” ricky sassed, eyebrows raised.

ej held his face in his hands, shaking his head, mumbling, “i hate you sometimes.”

“that’s not what you were saying a few minutes ago!”

“okay well, _continuing_ with what i was saying a few minutes ago,” ej emphasized, bringing them back to their important conversation. he took a deep breath, “if it wasn’t obvious already, i like you. and i didn’t mean anything i said the other day, at all. i was just--i was upset that you were saying all that stuff about not being your boyfriend and about how i don’t care about you even though i did, i _do_ care about you. and obviously i’m an idiot so instead of just saying that i said all that dumb shit instead.”

ricky took a deep exhale, playing with a loose thread hanging from his shirt before replying, “it _was_ dumb.”

“i know.”

“you really hurt me, you know,” the junior whispered, moving his gaze from where he was staring at the ground to look at ej. “all that shit you said about me not meaning anything. i felt so stupid. i couldn’t believe i wasted so much time thinking that you liked me back just for you to say all that. i felt like i put in so much effort to show you that i cared, that i wanted you and only you and when you said that it broke me.”

ej looked into ricky’s brown eyes, taking his hand and squeezing it, “i know and i am so, so sorry. i never want to make you feel like that again. i felt like shit after you left. i was so angry at myself i punched a fucking whole into my wall.”

“really?” ricky asked, sitting up straighter.

“yeah, honestly it looks kinda badass.”

“that’s sick.”

“totally. but...going back to what you were saying, though...you said you thought i liked you back. which means that you like me, too...right?” ej asked cautiously, gazing at ricky from the corner of his eye.

the younger boy rolled his eyes, bumping his shoulder with ej’s. “obviously, douchebag.”

“god, i just love it when you call me douchebag. makes me feel so loved,” ej replied sarcastically. “i give you this long, dramatic speech about how much your smile makes my dick hard and all i get is a _douchebag_. you really are bad at communication! no wonder nini broke up with you.”

“jesus christ, you are so annoying,” ricky grumbled, stubborn, covering his face with his hands. 

“okay, fine! i like you. like, _a lot_. and it’s really annoying because even when i was crying into my dad’s shoulder i couldn’t stop thinking about you. and i got a D on an english paper once because the day before, you told me i looked cute in your hoodie and i couldn’t stop thinking about it,” ricky took his face out of his hands so he could look at the other boy and yell at him, “and sometimes i’ll forget to actually eat during lunch because i can’t stop staring at you and your stupid face when you laugh. and i even accidentally stopped hanging out with big red because i want to spend all my time with you. i hate you! you’re ruining my life, asshole!”

“yup,” ej replied, trying to contain his smile as he said seriously, “that might have taken the cake as the most dramatic profession of love so far. well done, mr. bowen.”

“mr. bowen? what am i, a dad?”

“we just told each other that we had feelings for each other by calling each other ‘mr. bowen’ and ‘asshole.’ have you ever heard of anything more romantic?” ej joked, gently sliding his right hand onto the side of ricky’s neck, pulling their faces closer.

their breath mingled as ricky suppressed a smile, his eyes flickering to ej’s lips.

“yeah: douchebag,” the junior whispered before their lips met in the middle, ricky bringing his hand to hold ej’s cheek lightly.

they’d kissed many times before this. but this one was different. it was soft; it was sweet. ricky felt his soul opening up, like he was levitating off the ground and floating in the sea of stars above them. the butterflies in his stomach went wild with glee, fluttering all around, happily. he felt fireworks glowing inside of him with every slight move of the other boy’s lips, of his tongue darting out to ask for permission to enter his mouth. and ricky let him in. he always did.

they separated slowly, unable to keep the shy smiles off their faces as they held each other.

ricky broke the silence first, still looking into the seafoam eyes in front of him as he whispered, “do you remember that night i got really drunk and threw up on the pathway over there?”

“yeah, why?” ej murmed.

“you brought me to your bed and you kissed me even though i just threw up.”

“yeah it was gross,” ej said, but he was still smiling.

“and before you left you said that you’d kiss me no matter what.”

“i didn’t know you heard that...”

“well, can you kiss me again? but this time...as my boyfriend?”

their noses brushed, as ej brought the two of them impossibly closer, and did as he was told, the two boys falling into the grass below them as the moon and the stars in the night sky looked down at them from above.

*****

ricky had to text his dad a few hours later:

**_lil buddy_** _to_ ** _my man mike_** 😇 _: sorry. not dead._

 ** _lil buddy_** _to_ ** _my man mike_** 😇 _: well kinda._

 ** _lil buddy_** _to_ ** _my man mike_** 😇 _: i died and came back to life hehe._

 ** _lil buddy_** _to_ ** _my man mike_** 😇 _: never felt more alive actually :)_

*****

ONE WEEK LATER

“ALRIGHT PEOPLE, LET’S GO GO GO!” miss jenn shouted, the dressing room a frenzied mess of half-naked people, face powder, and hairspray as everyone prepared for the opening night of _heathers._

ricky and ej stood at the clothing rack, trying on a last minute costume as kourtney assessed them.

“you are _not_ trying to tell me that we are supposed to strip down on stage all the way to these _tighty whities_ ! i thought we were going to keep our shirts on for the death scene! is it even _legal_ for us to show this much skin? i’m a _minor!”_ ricky screamed, scandalized. he and ej stood side by side, wearing the _tightest_ white boxers ricky had ever put on his body. he was pretty sure he was chafing and he had only been wearing them for five minutes.

“i think people should be paying more if they want to see ricky like that,” ej teased, looking the younger boy up and down and smirking. ricky blushed harder than he probably ever had in his life at the comment.

“mm mm, i will not be tolerating any flirting at my costume rack, nuh uh. i’m happy that y’all are official now, but you can leave that mess at home!” kourtney interrupted, “i’m just tryna do my job and if miss jenn says she wants you to wear tighty whities on stage, you will wear tighty whities on stage. am i clear?”

she crossed her arms over her chest, looking expectantly through her eyelashes at the pair.

“yes, ma’am,” ricky stated.

“you got it, miss duke,” ej said back, giving the costume designer a thumbs up.

“good. now get your letterman jackets back on! we got thirty minutes to places!” kourtney approved, checking herself in the mirror. she was ready as she ever was for her debut as heather duke, twirling around in her green plaid skirt and vintage blazer. she sassed away to make sure all of her props were ready and to check on the other heathers.

ricky and ej put their clothes back on over the tighty whities, pulling the red letterman jacket over their arms, the backs of them reading “kelly” and “sweeney” respectively and showing a football patch. the rest of their costume consisted of skinny dark wash jeans, white t-shirts, and white converse. basically ej was wearing what he wore to school everyday and ricky looked like a skater kid pretending to be a jock.

which. he guessed he was. for the night, at least.

“ten to places!” big red yelled, dressed in all black as the stage manager. he checked his clipboard frantically, making sure everything and everyone was in the right spot. miss jenn paged him on his headset and with that he was running backstage again.

“thank you, places!” the cast and crew yelled in unison, getting the finishing touches on makeup, setting props in place, and spraying so much extra hairspray the ozone layer above east high was visibly depleting.

ej ran his hands through his hair, spreading some last minute hair gel as he checked himself in the mirror, shooting finger guns at his reflection when he deemed himself ready for the spotlight. he looked into the mirror and saw ricky having a mental breakdown behind him, hysterically bouncing his knee and mumbling his lines to himself.

the senior turned around, putting his hands on the junior’s shoulders and bringing him closer as he said, “you’re gonna be fine, okay? you’ve done this before. just take some deep breaths with me.”

ricky looked up into ej’s eyes as the other boy used his hand to direct their breathing, easing both of their anxiety about the opening night that was drawing closer and closer.

ricky’s nervous heart began to relax, so he repaid his _boyfriend_ with a quick kiss, smiling as they pulled away.

“i love my dead gays sons,” miss jenn sighed as she looked at the two boys, her heart on her chest as she swooned, “but we called places a minute ago so you two better get your dead gay asses out there or we’re gonna have a problem here!”

the couple separated quickly, jumping over shoes, loose props, and scattered clothes as they ran to get in their positions backstage.

the cast and crew could hear the buzz of the crowd behind the closed curtain, most actors hidden in the wings on the side of the stage while ashlyn waited for the curtain to open in the middle of it. the sound of a school bell ringing sounded as the red velvet uncovered itself to reveal her as veronica.

_“september 1st, 1989. dear diary…”_

*****

mr. bowen waited outside of the theatre with the rest of the audience, eagerly awaiting the cast and crew of the show to finally come out and greet them.

he had thought the show was fantastic. ashlyn and seb definitely proved themselves as performers. he was also very impressed with nini’s performance as a heather, he never thought he could see that girl be mean in her life.

he didn’t really think ej and ricky needed to strip down _that_ much, but that was a conversation he could have with miss jenn later when they went to dinner.

when mr. bowen finally spotted ricky coming out of the dressing rooms with his costume off, he couldn’t help but run towards his son and give him a tight hug, smiling wide through it all.

when they finally pulled away, mike raved, “you were amazing, bud! i think that was even better than high school musical. who knew performance was in your blood all along!”

“thanks, dad!” ricky grinned back, high with the praise and the adrenaline of opening night.

just then ej stepped out from the dressing rooms as well, spotting ricky and his father a few feet away and coming over when ricky waved at him.

“hey ej, how’s it going! you were fantastic out there. really felt the chemistry between you two!” mr. bowen acclaimed, gently hitting ej on the shoulder.

“thanks, mr. bowen! that means a lot,” ej beamed back, before smiling at ricky beside him excitedly.

the energy and excitement was eminent all around the hallway as people hugged each other and expressed their enjoyment of the show. nini called ricky over so that he could say hi to her moms and he excused himself, leaving ej and his dad alone.

mr. bowen stayed smiling, reaching a hand out for ej to shake. “you make my son very happy mr. caswell,” he gushed, before roughly pulling ej in to whisper in his ear, “but if you ever make ricky cry again, i will _rip your balls out._ ”

the father quickly distanced himself, plastering on his friendly grin as ej was left wide eyed and scared for his life, mr. bowen excused himself cheerfully, “i better go find miss jenn!”

ej stood frozen in his spot when ricky ran back up to him excitedly, finished talking to the salazar-roberts’. he hugged the senior’s waist looking up at him, oblivious.

“did i miss anything?” ricky chirped.

ej shook himself out of his trance, forcing a smile over his frightened expression before exclaiming, “uh. nope! everything's fine!”

“good! let’s get going to your place so we can get ready for the cast party,” the curly haired brunette whooped, pulling ej along by the hand enthusiastically and skipping down the hallway, saying goodbye to people and thanking members of the audience who sent praise their way.

*****

“he’s drunk already?? ej control your man, it’s only been 20 minutes!” carlos yelled over the blaring music.

ej caught ricky by the waist, the younger boy stumbling with a red solo cup in his hand as he attempted to walk over to where everyone was dancing. he almost spilled his drink all over ej before the senior snatched it from his hand and placed it on a nearby coffee table.

carlos decided to host the after party for the cast to celebrate opening night. the house was mostly filled with the cast and crew of the show with some mutual friends of friends being invited. the house shook with the deafening music playing from the speakers as people danced.

ricky slid his arms around his boyfriend for support, holding ej’s face in his hands and bringing it closer to him to drunkenly exclaim, “this reminds me of the first time we hooked up at your birthday party!”

“that feels like forever ago,” ej yelled over the music.

“i am soooo happy that happened. because noooow you’re my boyfriend! and i really, really like you. and i reaaaaally like kissing you,” the junior slurred, placing a kiss onto ej’s lips as he continued. “and i really like having _seeeeex_ with you! and i like how you call me _babyyyyy._ ”

ej’s eyes widened as their friends looked over at the pair from their position in the living room dancing, snickering amongst themselves as they pretended not to hear everything the drunk boy was yelling.

“how about you _don’t_ talk about our sex life so loud,” the senior fretted, pulling ricky so that the two could lean on the wall next to the kitchen, facing each other.

the curly haired boy looked at ej through his dark eyelashes, batting them flirtatiously as he smirked, “is there something else you want me to do?”

“well, you said you liked kissing me, so how ‘bout you do that?” ej smiled, slyly, leaning in as their lips met.

there was no hesitation between the two boys, no longer caring about what people would think of them; no longer feeling as if they needed to hide. their mouths moved against each other desperately, ej’s tongue darting out to lick the younger boy’s bottom lip and then entering the wet heat of his mouth. ricky’s hands cupped ej’s face as the senior wrapped both of his arms around him, bringing them closer if that was even possible.

meanwhile, the rest of the ragtag theatre kids watched fondly from their place in the living room, shaking their heads.

“they’ve been boyfriends for one week and suddenly they think we want to see this outrageous display of public affection. they’re practically yelling, ‘ _gina’s single.’_ i hate it here!” gina complained, crossing her arms over her chest, but she meant no real ill will.

“i’m so happy they worked their shit out but i do have to admit it is a little awkward seeing both of my ex’s making out…” nini commented, sipping from her red solo cup thoughtfully.

carlos argued, “well, i think they’re adorable together. and at least when they’re making out we don’t have to hear about what ej calls ricky in the bedroom.”

“but ‘baby’ is a cute nickname!” seb piped up.

“only for you, baby,” carlos teased, kissing his boyfriend on the cheek.

the group fake gagged at the sign of affection before ashlyn spoke, looking over at her cousin and friend still kissing in the corner, “who knew the two kings of miscommunication would ever be able to talk things out.”

the group talked for a few more minutes, taking sips from their drinks and dancing lightly. the music blasting from the speakers changed into the next song, causing ricky to finally separate from ej, his eyes wide with excitement as he realized what song was playing.

“I LOVE THIS SONG,” he screamed, pulling his boyfriend by the hand aggressively so that they could dance with their friends.

“here he goes again with doja cat,” big red mumbled, making room for the pair in their small circle as everyone began dancing and singing, ricky the loudest as he recited the lyrics.

“ _I KEEP IT JUICY, JUICY! I EAT THAT LUNCH. SHE KEEP THAT BOOTY BOOTY, SHE KEEP THAT PLUMP. THAT NATURAL BEAUTY BEAUTY, YEAH, YEAH! IF YOU COULD SEE IT FROM THE FRONT WAIT TILL YOU SEE IT FROM THE BACK, BACK, BACK, BACK, BACK!”_

The group went wild dancing, ricky pulling ej’s arms around his middle as the senior came up to dance behind him. he looked up, ej smiling down at him as they danced with each other, surrounded by all of their best friends.

ricky didn’t think he would ever get tired of this.

**Author's Note:**

> wow i cant believe it's over 😭
> 
> lmao sike
> 
> surprise bitch bet you thought you'd see the last of me  
> this shit aint over i still have so many more plans for this series LSDKJAFDL sorry for being dramatic lmao ily all thanks for reading
> 
> also i just realize mr. mazzara has never made an appearance in this whole series LMFAOOO WHY DO I FIND THAT FUNNY #justiceformrmazarra


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